The Study of Racialism

gemini072 · Moderator Joined: 27 Nov 2004 {Posts: 2942 }

p 54-56
Kimani Fowlin graduated from Sarah Lawrence College in 1990. She keeps a framed photograph of the day on her desk at work. In the picture, she stands flanked by her parents. Fowlin wears a black graduation robe, accented by a strip of Kente cloth. Father, on one side, beams. Mother and daughter, both bronze-skinned, wear their hair in cascades and dreadlocks.

M y father is Jamaican and my mother is Jewish. They met in the 60's. At that time my mother was a barmaid, or a bartender as they call it now, in Greenwich Village, and a friend of hers introduced them.

My mother gave him a hard time at first. She was a rebel; she had always been a rebel. She basically left him in a bar and just said, "I'm going out with this other person." But he came back the next day to continually pursue her, and he just stayed with her, and finally she realized that "this man is such a gentleman, what am I doing?" Came to her senses. And they got together and got married and didn't tell her parents. Before she married Dad, she had a bady out of wedlock with a black man. That was in the late 60's, and there was big confusion about that. Her parents told her to get an abortion.

She was all freaked out at the time because she knew she wanted to have the baby. So she moved in with the father, who was an alcoholic and somewhat abusive. She called her parents, and they said, "The only way we'll take you back is if you put the baby up for adoption." She had no choice, she felt, and she did that. I guess that was a good thing because she was seventeen or eighteen and in no position to raise a child.

Gina, the baby, came looking for my mom about 8 years ago and found her. It's like we're this huge happy family now. It's been hard for Mom and Gina, but it's been a good experience finding out that I had a sister I never knew until the day I was going to meet her. It was a complete shock. I said, "Mom are there any other surpises? Please let me know now."

My grandmother and my grandfather and basically my mom's side of the family are very conservative people - white middle-class Jews. It's nothing intense and serious; maybe older relatives are more into the religion, but my grandmother's loosely based. But it was always hard for Grandma and Grandpa. When my mother was younger they sent her away to a home because they didn't know how to handle her. She was hyper and something that they never expected. And my mom had ideas and views about things that conflicted with the views that my grandmother and grandfather had and expected her to have. So she was radical and a rebel for this family.

After my parents got married, they didn't let her parents know. But one time she brought Grandma over, and Grandma saw his things in the house and questioned it. So that's when my mother told her that they eloped. And Grandma's really an amazing woman to come from her kind of background and to do a full three-sixty, to grow and learn to love and accept us as her family. She's one who analyzes and is a constant growing person, which is very special... someone who didn't stop and die in their beliefs. I'm thankful for that, but it's still hard. Grandma and I still to this day confront each other with race issues, and it's so hard. It's complex because I can respect her but I'm angry with her for why there have to be issues to begin with. Why don't you like my hair? Because it's so foreign to you?

As far as my father's family goes, when they got married, it was in the late sixties, that his family started coming over from Jamaica. Basically they're all here now. His mother and father had both died by the early seventies, so I didn't get a chance to know them very well. We're closer, I think, to my mom's side of the family, but there's this deep love and yearning for us to get together with my father's side. I don't know. We're kind of lazy in terms of getting the family together, but they're all here in the New York City area. And they're very proper Jamaicans, that middle-class-sort-of-bourgeoisie Jamaicans, assimilated to white American standards. The straighter your hair is, the better it is. Corporate. Very proper. Very much into school, getting a good education, the basic standards, and you don't deviate from that. I want to get closer to my Jamaican roots because I feel that I've been denied that out of the family not really being close. But every time I do see them I express that need that I really want to know about my history. We've been to Jamaica many times but never to Dad's birthplace or where the family lives, and I'm just interested in getting closer to that part of me.

As long as I can remember, I've always felt that way. I kind of feel like I'm not really here with my mother's side of the family. I'm kind of in the middle. And I want to feel closer to Dad's side of the family so I can know that part better.

Ever since I was very young, Mom has been problack. It's a weird situation; she hates being white. She hasn't become black- she can't. Her skin color seems kind of dark, but it's because she uses Sudden Tan, which she does for two reasons: because she had melanoma, she has cancer, and she cannot be exposed to sunlight, so it protects her skin; but also it gives her color. Her color is very white, with freckles. And she detests her color and the fact that she's white. She does not like the white race.

pianoplayer111 · Wizard Joined: 16 May 2007 {Posts: 429 }

I hate to sound judgemental but what an ODD family. Confused

On the one hand, you could say that they have a unique perspective on race and it does make an interesting story.

On the other hand, I find it weird and disturbing that Fowlin's mother "detests" her own skin color. It makes sense if she has difficulty with the concept of whiteness as it pertains to racism in America. However, to wear dreadlocks and darken her skin with brown makeup tells me that she has identity issues of her own. If one chooses to marry or procreate with a black partner out of love, that is different. It sounds like Fowlin's mother simply wanted to shock and upset her parents and being with black men was the way to do it. And she has adopted physical characteristics that most white people do not have. It isn't as if she has dreadlocks and still maintained her natural coloring.

She also "hates the white race". This woman hates herself, then. She hates her parents. I don't wish to offend anyone but this article has me deeply disturbed.

pianoplayer111 · Wizard Joined: 16 May 2007 {Posts: 429 }

I read that part, Ty. I still find it strange.

My skin is photosensitive and it burns. I live in one of the hottest states in the South. I either wear sunblock with a high SPF factor or cover myself up with cool clothing. And my other alternative is to stay indoors if I don't have to be out and about. Skin cancer runs in my family too.

It is still odd to me.

William · Posted: Fri 07 Mar 2008 17:49 Post subject:

gemini072 · Moderator Joined: 27 Nov 2004 {Posts: 2942 }

So basically, she was the black influence. My dad was the more white one in the family. Very interesting. But she's a very angry person and just hates the injustices of what Whites have done to Blacks constantly and still do and just hates being a part of that race because of that. She finds beauty in the black race in every aspect, like physically: the big nose, the big lips. It's a kind of warped situation, though, it really is confusing, but I guess I can understand. I wish I had videotapes so I could show you how we communicate and how within a public situation - let's say we're with a group of black people - Mom will take on this black persona. She fools people all the time. To me, she doesn't look black, but she's got the attitude. And I would get very upset and want her to be who she is. Then, I realized that I made comments that my mom would make which were very superficial, very judgemental, very unfair to make: about interracial couples, about white people, about black people

For example, in this bar there was this white bartender, and I made a comment to a friend to the effect that she was "very white," which is something that my mom would say. And this friend was also a friend of that bartender's, and it hurt her. And then I started thinking about the things I had been saying and I felt that it wasn't fair, that is what Whites do to Blacks all the time, and I was just doing it in reverse. I'm working things out in that way not to judge people on a racial basis. Mom continues to do that, but I want to be separate from her. A lot of people put us together, including my sister, and I'm like, "No please, I'm my own person. Mom is the way she is."

I don't like the way my mom is white people because it's not what she is. It's one thing if you are black and switch in and out of a black vernacular or whatever or whatever you'd want to call it. Mom isn't, and so it just would get on my nerves when she would do that, because it's not really her. And it wouldn't be like she would switch back into herself. She would keep that black talk and confuse people. It's just false pretenses, and I don't like that. When I'm talking to friends, we go back and forth. It's not something we stay in all the time.

G-Man · Moderator Joined: 27 Nov 2004 {Posts: 2992 }

gemini072 · Moderator Joined: 27 Nov 2004 {Posts: 2942 }

gemini072 · Moderator Joined: 27 Nov 2004 {Posts: 2942 }

Now my dad, he's white in his beliefs and morals. I hate to be so general and say "white," but what was taught to him in Jamaica was "the lighter, the better." So I guess in his search for a woman, and also what he likes in a woman, that says something about who he is. It's funny how he's very comfortable around my grandmother, and my mom's like, "Oh, let's leave those two old white folks alone." It's very funny.

When I'm around Jewish people, I love to shock them and say, "Yes, I'm Jewish." And at times I get this overwhelming feeling of how lucky I'm am to come from such diverse cultures. I can really say that this is me and this is me. But because I really haven't delved deeply into each one, I'm not really a part of it, and that's where I think I'm losing. I wish I had grabbed onto one - actually I wish I'd grabbed onto both - but I took the superficial aspects of both. I think that's partly because of my mom and my dad. I get angry at them a lot for that because I wish they had directed me. What I've come to on my own, I guess, is being a black feminist. Basically right now that's what I'm really hooked into - black women and making our own and existing on our own, and just understanding our own hardships separate from men. Very much what I've studied and learned has been male-oriented, and now I'm becoming more women oriented. It's been refreshing. It's like I have a voice, too.

In terms of what my parents told me, Mom and society helped that, in saying that my younger brother and I are black. Our skin is brown, but we are seen as black. Most people don't think Im biracial. They can't tell. So Mom was very honest and very like, "This is what society is about. Don't be sucked in. Be strong. You're a black woman. You'll be seen as a black woman." Around black people I just usually say I'm black. If I'm with people who are white, I like to say I'm biracial to show them that there's more than what they see: "You're white? You look black!" I want it to be apparent that I'm this and this.

But eventually I don't have anything to hide from anyone. I do tell black people the truth, or it can come out; it doesn't matter to me. I'm very much into psychology and feeling the vibes and seeing when is the right time. Usually right off the bat with white people I let them know, "Hey, I'm half of you," so I can have the liberty to make comments an things they think I shouldn't say but I can.

In college I know this white man who was into the superficial aspects of black women and black culture. It really grossed me out. Unfortunately, I was attracted to him, and then he used me. Then he started to grow dreads, yuck! -tacky looking things because his hair was just pin-straight, and he did one of these teased numbers and it just looked horrible.

So he's growing these tacky looking dreads, and I was really angry at him for all that he had done to all these different black women. Just a phony, superficial wannabe. And then this other guy who was a punk white guy started to grow dreads, too, and I was angry because it means more that just the style and "Wow, it's cool; we can grown it too!" It's a more spiritual thing that these people really shouldn't be wearing. They can do what they want, but that's just my own personal feelings.

So I confronted them, and they said, "Yeah, but how can you say anything? Your mother's white, and she has dreads." And I ws like, "Well, that's a different story, and that's none of your business." I guess they had point, but I didn't look at her as being white. I do but I don't. It's really confusing.

The End

punjabtrini · Mentor Joined: 04 Sep 2007 {Posts: 253 } Location: USA

gemini noted

gemini072 · Moderator Joined: 27 Nov 2004 {Posts: 2942 }

davemyers · Posted: Sun 23 Mar 2008 16:05 Post subject: My Perspective...

[Duplicate post deleted. Please do not post the same message multiple times in different forums. -- FWS]

pianoplayer111 · Wizard Joined: 16 May 2007 {Posts: 429 }

I'm with G-man.

Like I said...I hate to judge people, esp. people I don't know. However, this sounds like a family of very confused individuals.

The fact that Fowlin's mother feels the need to adopt a stereotypical "black" vernacular and attitude around black people instead of being herself is also weird to me. If you were raised in that culture and/or grew up speaking that way, it is different. Fowlin herself says this.

Being a white parent of biracial children doesn't entail acting differently around minorities or immersing yourself in their culture because it is the PC way. One can foster an appreciation of different cultures, instill a healthy identity in children, and balance out both heritages in positive ways without being weird about it. Just be yourself. It is not her responsibility to be a spokesperson for white people. As a Jewish person, I'm sure she had ancestors who fell victim to the Holocaust. Why did she not teach her children about Jewish culture as well as black culture? Did she not contribute to the racial makeup of her children as well as her husband?

I know "white" people (mostly women) who adopt this attitude and dialect/Ebonics way of speaking in the company of black people and it bothers me. First, there's the assumption that one will be relating to or connecting with AA's more by talking like this. Second, there's the assumption that all black people speak and act the same way. I will be honest, I would do this as a kid until I realized how silly I looked trying to speak Ebonics in a heavy "black" accent and being stereotypical: "No, he didn't, girlfriend! Hmmph!" All of this with a hand on my 14-year-old hip and my little neck bobbing. It was dumb and I wasn't being myself.

And if she has raised Fowlin to not be proper or focused on education, that also tells me that she believes that her "black" children should have limited goals in life. Fowlin graduated from Sarah Lawrence which is an accomplishment, but the whole article weirded me out. All I see is a mother full of self-hate, riddled with an identity crisis, who is also subconsciously racist. I see a daughter who is obviously bright and loves her mother but is annoyed by certain idiosyncrasies.

Bischoff · Mentor Joined: 20 Jan 2008 {Posts: 395 }

Maybe some of these White people who speak ebonics when in the presence of Black people do so because they fear if they just be themselves they will be ridiculed by their Black peers for sounding too stereotypically lily White.

gemini072 · Moderator Joined: 27 Nov 2004 {Posts: 2942 }

pianoplayer111 · Wizard Joined: 16 May 2007 {Posts: 429 }

I will say that if some White people feel insecure about being ridiculed by certain blacks for sounding "too stereotypically lily white"...they need to quit hanging out with black people like that.

There is NO need to adopt this phony lingo or affect "ghetto" mannerisms to fit in. I did that when I was a kid in schools where I was the minority and black children were the majority. I didn't know better back then. Now as an adult, I look back and I feel silly. Being white doesn't mean sounding like a dork, a Valley girl or a stereotypical country redneck. Being black doesn't mean sounding like a hoodlum or a wannabe.

When I was in a class in high school, I answered a question the teacher asked and this girl said that I "sounded white". Well, I look white too, but that's beside the point. What does that mean? Speaking Ebonics doesn't make a person bad or stupid or illiterate but it does play up stereotypes about a certain ethnic group. As Ty said, some people don't realize that to adopt this type of lingo with people of color is offensive. Some people will respond well to it, others will wonder if that's how one talks all the time.

I remember times where black women would put on this phony "Valley" accent when speaking with me. I wouldn't say anything to them about it but I felt uncomfortable, like they were making fun of me, because I knew that most of them didn't really talk that way. They were making fun of my appearance and the way I spoke. If a white guy does the "wazzup my nigga" to a bunch of black dudes that he works with or a white woman starts the neck-rolling stuff, you have to wonder what the deal is. Surely that isn't the only way to relate to black people? Or converse with them?

I don't give a damn if black people think I sound "too white". I believe in speaking the way I've always spoken and being myself. I would rather sound like myself than pretend to be some stereotype. What I've learned is that if you're down to earth and you come off as a decent person, you'll attract quality people. There are black people who will ridicule a person who speaks well (i.e., "sounds white") but there are also black people who will accept the same person. There are ways of connecting with other people besides adopting whatever persona you think fits their race. Like I said, I was once guilty of this myself but I grew up. There's a blond white guy who works at a restaurant in my town. He waits tables there and is constantly all "yo wazzup". You have to wonder what the deal is.

Most of the patrons aren't black, by the way! Ty...those guys probably were unaware that their behavior was offensive to you. This can be explained by assumptions that we ALL make about others, esp. if we don't know much about their culture or who they are. I hope you set them straight. I wouldn't call it racist but it was ignorant. People have said that I sound like a snooty white girl (because I speak properly) and that I look like one (because I'm mixed, with a white phenotype). My fiance is 14 years older than me and spent his early childhood in Brazil. He is a White Southerner. His teens were spent in a small hick town in the 1980's where there were NO minorities. He is guilty of sometimes assuming that all black people speak that way, but he is slowly starting to learn because we live in a place filled with people of color. He has learned that there are different dialects in different groups of black people. He has also learned to differentiate between groups of black people...Haitians, Jamaicans, Nigerians, etc. Prior to that he was prone to labeling ALL blacks as "African-Americans". He is far from racist or ignorant, just a little bit sheltered.

Bischoff · Mentor Joined: 20 Jan 2008 {Posts: 395 }

If you and your fiance end up having kids, are you going to raise them to identify as White or to identify as Mixed Race ?

gemini072 · Moderator Joined: 27 Nov 2004 {Posts: 2942 }

Bischoff · Mentor Joined: 20 Jan 2008 {Posts: 395 }

Didn't you say once in another thread that you have been confused for being East Indian before ? If so have any of your co-workers or people outside of work ever started talking like Apu in front of you ?

gemini072 · Moderator Joined: 27 Nov 2004 {Posts: 2942 }

pianoplayer111 · Wizard Joined: 16 May 2007 {Posts: 429 }

I will raise them to identify as White. I will also teach them about the Caribbean part of their heritage. I look white, I self-identify as White, I'm multiracial if you want clarification of my background. My fiance is White and identifies that way. Most likely their phenotypes will be European. Other people will see them as white based on appearance alone.

This doesn't mean, though, that when they're older they will not have the option to identify as they see fit. If they want to identify as blue people, I would have no problem with that. Self-identity is a very personal concept. Some people will have a problem with how a person identifies him/herself. Above all, without the racial stuff, I will raise them to identify as people. Balanced, sound, open-minded people who care about the world around them.