The Study of Racialism

Liana · Guru Joined: 30 Nov 2004 {Posts: 352 }

Hi all

As some of you know I just got married. We hope to have kids someday.

I am curious - those of you who have children. What do you tell your children they are, if anything. Do they ask? If so, what do you say?

Do kids at school call them something different? Or they just don't "see" race. I know as a kid I didn't see race till my mom pointed it out to me. Then all things changed. Not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
B

mixedmom · Moderator Joined: 27 Nov 2004 {Posts: 776 }

Hi Barbara!

My daughter sees herself as mixed. She definitely does not see herself as white. Right now, she's 11 years old. She doesn't seem to have a preoccupation with ethnicity but she's aware of it. Occasionally, I'll ask her about how she thinks she's perceived at school or how she sees herself ethnically. She says that she likes being mixed but she doesn't always like it when people ask her what she is. She says that she gets these types of questions often. I can actually relate to this because I also have a unique look that is not easy to place. People often stare at me and ask me where I'm from. My black identified mulatto mother also has people asking her where she's from. This seems to be a multi-generational experience in my family. I let Naomi know that she's not alone and I "welcome" her to the club! Smile

She's finishing up elementary school right now and will be starting middle school in the fall. It seems like "race" became more of an issue with my peer group after elementary school, when puberty was setting in. I may hear more about race related issues from Naomi after she starts middle school. In the mean time, she's enjoying her pet box turtle, Rex, that she found.

My nine year old son sees himself as white. He knows that he's mixed but he's chooses to see himself as white. My mother doesn't like this but she doesn't argue with me about it.

zsana · Moderator Joined: 05 Feb 2005 {Posts: 1016 }

Great topic!

My son Yann is just in his 11th month so I'm excited and curious as to how he'll grow up to view himself racially speaking.

He'll see that mom is light/medium brown-skinned and considered to be a "light-skinned black" American woman by most white, black, and other folks. He'll see that dad is the archtypical Blonde blue eyed German white man.

He'll know he's loved by his Afro-American and European relatives and that he's a product of his parents love thus he's multicultural. German ("white"), Afro-American (primarily "black") and distantly Native-American (Creek Indian).

My husband and I plan on teaching him that "race" is largely a social construct and that ALL people belong to the same human race that began in Africa.

Everyone in our family will be marking the "other" box and writing in our nationality or leaving it blank.

We're planning our second child soon and we're hoping for a girl but of course another boy would be wonderful.

I'm really curious if our son and future second child choose different ways of identifiying themselves like your kids mixedmom.

I would hope they would both consider themselves to be multicultural/multiracial/mixed and i.d. as such but if they honestly grow up to feel more comfortable saying their "white" or "light-skinned blacks" I'll accept that JUST as long as they're not giving into sociatel pressure and the desire is truly coming from their heart.

To be honest, I'll be happy regardless of how they self identify just as long as they claim their full heritage and are proud of their beautifully blended selves!

Felicia

Powell · Guru Joined: 27 Nov 2004 {Posts: 2176 }

Collage · New User Joined: 13 Jun 2005 {Posts: 19 }

Hi!

I have two children. My son is 11 and my daughter is 7. My son has fairer skin and light eyes -- sometimes they look grayish-blue, other times they look a little green. I think they change with the seasons! And with what he's wearing.

My daughter has my coloring -- medium brown skin, dark brown eyes, dark brown, almost black hair (okay, my original hair color).

I think my children will vary how they identify themselves based on the situation. My son already identifies more with his white father, so he considers himself kind of dark white. My daughter used to call herself black, but I think it's important for her to realize that's only part of what she is -- maybe 25% of what she is.

Although she has my coloring, she doesn't have very African looking features, and her hair is definitely European. It's mostly straight with a tiny bit of curl at the end. When I wash it in the shower and the water straightens out the ends, it stretches down to the top of her butt.

So what will she consider herself? Probably mixed.

But who knows what the conventions will be in a few years when this starts to mean something to her?

Liana · Guru Joined: 30 Nov 2004 {Posts: 352 }

Hi guys

Thanks for your responses - This really helps to hear it from bonafide moms with true experience. First of all, hats off to the moms! Smile

Just one question though.

I know that we can teach our kids one thing in the home, but when they go into society - especially as they get older, do you think they will either succumb to or feel funny about going against what others may tell them?

I ask because that is the way it was in some ways for me - even as an adult. Almost always with blacks (women). If I said I was multiracial, or 'of color' and not black then you get that uproar. I wonder if your children may get that from black kids. Are they around black kids? If so do they get that at all?

I know that children don't "see" race - till they are "socialized" to see it. But I also know that their parents can tell them things - and then they can say things to other children that can hurt or at least make them feel confused.

My sister and brother went to private school. The kids there (almost all white) called them "the white niggers."

Have your chidlren had hurtful things said to them and if so how did you handle it?

Thanks for your input -

B

Powell · Guru Joined: 27 Nov 2004 {Posts: 2176 }

Collage · New User Joined: 13 Jun 2005 {Posts: 19 }

Now that I think of it, I might say to my children about what box to check:

1. Is there a "multiracial" category?

2. Well, can you check more than one box -- and have them both counted?

3. Is the form you fill out going to get you money or a scholarship if you identify yourself as black/AA?

If the answer to all of these questions is no, then check "white," since you are genetically 3/4 European and you're culturally white, and be done with it!

Liana · Guru Joined: 30 Nov 2004 {Posts: 352 }

zsana · Moderator Joined: 05 Feb 2005 {Posts: 1016 }

A.D.

I know it's hard to tell by our avatars what we really look like sometimes. They're so tiny.

Here are some closer family shots...

http://www.bjornkemper.com/weddingalbum/images/Cole%26Kemper-clan.jpg
http://www.bjornkemper.com/weddingalbum/images/IMG_4362.jpg
Cousins
http://www.bjornkemper.com/weddingalbum/pages/IMG_4564.htm
http://www.bjornkemper.com/weddingalbum/pages/IMG_4144.htm (My cousin Loretta was raised in a one drop rule time period and still considers herself to be black as opposed to bi/multiracial confusing both "whites" and "blacks" alike. But she's content so who am I to judge?)
Grandparents
http://www.bjornkemper.com/weddingalbum/pages/IMG_4152.htm
http://www.bjornkemper.com/weddingalbum/pages/IMG_4329.htm
http://www.bjornkemper.com/weddingalbum/pages/IMG_4058.htm
http://www.bjornkemper.com/weddingalbum/pages/IMG_4348.htm

Chubby cheeks
http://www.bjornkemper.com/weddingalbum/pages/IMG_5121.htm
My two men
http://www.bjornkemper.com/weddingalbum/pages/IMG_5293.htm

You know it's funny how "racial" perception changes according to who you're with. When my son is with my husband, I think he looks more like him and his people. More white. But, when he's with me and my family I think he looks more mixed/biracial.

Then again, Yann now has a rich suntan that appeared last month. We call him our two-toned baby!lol His torso, upper arms, thighs and butt, are pale and everything else is golden. Plus, his hair has turned curly. This may be influencing my feelings.

People (Americans) often associate tan skin and curly hair to black/white heritage I think. Then again, features, eye color, etc... come in to play as well.

Interestingly, Even with my sons tan, he looks "whiter" than many "Hispanics" and certainly East Asian Indians and Arabs who are classified as Caucasian I've noticed.

This "race" business is crazy...

No rhyme or reason to it except to isolate black anscestry and turn it into a caste like state.

Anyway, great topic Liana!

Welcome to all new members posting on this Women's Issues board.

Doesn't this group feel like home?

Felicia

Liana · Guru Joined: 30 Nov 2004 {Posts: 352 }

Hi gals

Zsana - I just wanted to say your whole family is absolutely gorgeous - You, hubby and children - and relatives

And yes this group does feel like home. I can get things said here that I have not found ways to get said anywhere else.

B

zsana · Moderator Joined: 05 Feb 2005 {Posts: 1016 }

Thank you for the sweet complements Liana.

We all have some beautiful families here at this group.

Congratulations on your marriage and good luck on future kiddies. There's nothing like them...

I also feel I can say things here without feeling judged.

I tell you, some people would swear we're just some self hating confused house negroes exposing the black communities dirty laundry.

Instead we are all just speaking openly and honestly about some touchy issues that have touched and affected our lives and perceptions.

Take care,

Felicia

Collage · New User Joined: 13 Jun 2005 {Posts: 19 }