Posted: Thu 12 Mar 2009 03:28 Post subject: Meeting the Parents
I have questions for Afro-descended women of any identification who have dated or married White American or European men. What was your experience meeting your significant other's parents? Were they supportive of your relationship? Indifferent? Hostile? Was your "race" an issue for them? How'd you deal with it all, as a person and as a couple?
I have the dubious distinction of knowing what it was like for my ex-fiance's family to dislike me for quite irrational reasons, but not race-based ones as they were Black Americans. What would be new for me is dealing with people who are opposed to me dating their son simply because I am of African descent. My boyfriend is English/Welsh (from Europe, not American). He has dated a British Nigerian, a British Jamaican and a girl from Singapore (as well as Anglo Brits) and has hinted that his parents are not exactly on board with his open mind. He's strong enough and mature enough to put his parents in their places, so I'm not worried about that at all. I am going to London for a visit in a couple of weeks, and, I have to admit, I am terrified of meeting his parents. I plan on exploring the issue with him when I get there (much better to do in person) but just wondered whether anyone had been in a similar situation.
Joined: 19 Jan 2006 {Posts: 223 } Location: Southern California
Posted: Thu 12 Mar 2009 11:38 Post subject:
First of all, congratulations Sagascend. I've always enjoyed reading your posts and you've always expressed yourself eloquently in every one. Although I haven't met you in person, my mental image of you would be a person who would have a lot of positive things to offer to a significant other. Your boyfriend is very lucky to have chosen you
On to the issue at hand, I'm sorry but I don't have much in the way of advice to give for that one. As far as the actual initial meeting of the parents...I do hope that things, at the very least, proceed in a diplomatic fashion. Guess that I'd just take things one day at a time. Given that your SO (significant other) has hinted that his parents are not very broad-minded to interracial relationships I can only hope that they're cognizant enough to realize that their biases are only their own and would be unfair to dumpt them on their child; hence they would treat you in a cordial fashion, as with any other guest of your SO, upon first meeting.
The other thing that I hope (and I'm quite sure that you've already discussed this at length with your SO) is that the reasons for the breakups of the past interracial relationships were due to each party "moving in different directions" and not due any passive-aggressive ploys put out by the parents. I know that some folks might not express displeasure to your face (or their son's), but can really be good at that PA stuff. Just my 0.02 cents.
Hoepfully other members on this board would have much better advice.
Anyways, good luck. Sending positive vibes your way! Enjoy London!
Thank you DuCorpsToo! You aren't a frequent poster (but I sure wish you had more time to participate ) but I always look forward to your comments. Usually they are the most level-headed in a conversation!
I'm delighted to have found my SO. He has so many qualities that I've been looking for and more that I think to look for. I think I am the lucky one! It's still relatively early in our relationship but I'm actually not even concerned about all of that. I tend to believe that details work themselves out if two people are on the same wavelength, as we seem to be.
Ugh, I know exactly what you mean about the P-A approach and I suspect that it's the only weapon his parents would have in their arsenal since he's his own man through and through.
Thank you for the positive vibes! I hope all goes well, i.e., I don't have to meet them this trip.
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) but I always look forward to your comments. Usually they are the most level-headed in a conversation!