Posted: Wed 15 Jun 2005 17:36 Post subject: What Abuse Have You Suffered At the Hands of Black People?
Hi all
The other thread has me thinking about this
We recounted in the other thread the teasing and being picked on we suffered at the hands of black kids.
I would be interested to hear others' experiences along these lines.
One thing we didnt' touch on too much in that thread is the abuse we feel as adults.
I know what sticks out most in my mind is that, ironically when I go into a situation where I see a lot of black females, I immediately get scared, because I know how their reactions tend to be toward me. For example I was searching for a church recently. The church was most/all black - I think I mentioned it in another thread. But they also had these kinship groups. When I was standing outside someone pointed me to the kinship group of people who would have been in my area. All the members of my group would have been females. It was then that I said "woops no thanks" becuase I was afraid of the racism from black females.
I can recount numerous times going into the girls room in high school - I would enter and comb my hair, and get the, 'Oh, she think she cute" etc.
One time we were driving from Maryland to New Jersey. We stopped at a rest spot. I was standing in line and - you know how you can "feel" someone staring at you? I turn around and there is this table FULL of black women. They were ALL looking at me, and then they would turn and whisper to each other, and then the person they were whispering to would look at me, so I know they were talking about me. Then I hear these laughs - mean laughs like they were mocking me etc.
It's that type of stuff.
I feel much more comfortable with whites - in a lot of ways.
In my elementary school, there were three distinct groups of kids. There was the group from a white, upper middle income area, a group from a mixed (60% white, 40% black) middle income area, and a group from a black middle to lower income area. The social stratification was obvious by the way the kids dressed and you could also tell which social class the kids were from by listening to the things the kids were talking about.
The Bowie, MD (upper middle white kids) group would come to school in new clothes, they would talk about piano lessons, gymnastics meets, girl scouts, boy scouts, karate lessons, ballet lessons, private music lessons, swim meets and nice family vacations they'd been on or the ones that their families would soon be taking. A lot of these kids had stay at home mothers to greet them when they got home from school. Very few of them were latch-key kids. These kids were bussed in from their all white neighborhood for the purpose of desegregation.
I came from the Seabrook, MD area. My neighborhood was the local neighborhood that the school was located in. The area was middle income, mostly two parent, single family homes with two working parents. There were a fair number of young children coming home to empty homes for a couple of hours before mom and dad would get home from work. If you listened to our conversations, we were talking about boy scouts, girl scouts, family vacations to Ocean City, MD, karate lessons, ballet lessons, etc.
The Glenardan children (middle to lower income) lived in an all black neighborhood. These kids were bussed in from their area by the time I was a second grader. Many of these kids came to school with Ebonic speech patterns and clothes that seemed like hand-me-down clothes but, they were clean. I noticed that they seemed to have a propensity towards being belligerent and confrontational amongst themselves and with others. A lot of the girls (especially the girls) had a constant "chip on the shoulder" attitude. Around 4th grade, some of these girls would perform what they referred to as "cheers" on the playground. These cheers are very similar to the "stepping" that the black frats and sororities do but these "cheers" were just neighborhood chants that they'd make up. I couldn't BELIEVE the stuff that these girls would say on the playground with these "cheers"! A lot of these chants were very sexual and these girls would gyrate about while chanting these cheers in the most provocative manner most inappropriate for 10 year old girls on an elementary school playground. I think that one of the "cheers" was called "Titty Bopp". In this "cheer", the girl leading the cheer would chant that "I had my nigga on the couch..." another "cheer" fragment from my memories, "Grandpa, grandpa do your duty, all you want is grandma's booty!" . The teachers would walk by pretending not to hear what these girls were saying. The white girls understood to stay away from these girls in general. When I'd listen to the type of stuff that these girls were talking about, some of their conversations would involve talking about who was planning to fight with whom after school in their neighborhood or "I don't like so and so because she thinks she's cute just because she (fill in the blank with some kiddie bull---- here) and I'm going to kick her butt!"
In the fourth grade, I once overheard a couple of white Bowie girls laughing and talking about how dumb black kids were. They noted that the black kids would say "axe" when they meant "ask". This was true of many of the Glenarden kids. I approached one of the Glenarden girls and pulled her aside to quietly and discretely tell her that she was saying "axe" instead of "ask" and she should say "ask". This girl suddenly got loud and angry with me. She really embarrassed me because EVERYONE in the classroom turned to see what might have been a fight! I had no intention on fighting so I remained quiet while this girl threatened me, "I ought to kick your butt!" She ended her tirade with, "... and for your information, I DON'T say AXE...(short pause)... I say AXE!" She didn't attack me but I never tried to correct anyone's grammar again. In fact, I followed the white girl's example to keep a healthy distance.
These are some of the people in my childhood who would attempt to invalidate my expression of "blackness" as though their expression of blackness was authentic and I was merely acting white. Tan skin and green eyes with long wavy hair didn't exactly help either.
A lot of ghetto blacks (I'm not saying all but a good number) who tend to be dark-skinned i.e. non mixed in heritage tend to have a chip on their shoulder for a number of different reasons.
I think a lot of them are angry because of their lot in life (who wouldn't be?), and would like to lash out at white people (who they view as keeping in them in that state) but since they feel restricted in doing so, lash out at so called "light-skinned blacks"(multigenerationaly mixed) & bi/multiracial people instead.
Hey, we're the next best thing right?
Now if you diss white people and act as if they're all KKK like (even if this means dissing your own parent/spouse) you MAY (and may not) encounter less hatered.
But it's all sick because these so called "white" traits they supposedly despise are really secretly desired.
Their insecurities and jelousies are hard to accept so they mask it by trying to make us feel like we're the ones with the problem.
But you can see right through the sh-t.
I've been accused of thinking I'm better than some people (which I am based on behavior and mindset NOT looks) and thought of as being "white washed".
I know many urban and especially very stereotypicaly "negroid" looking men (and occasionaly some young black women) DO definitely have issues with me when they see me with my husband and son. I have some really crazy stories to tell but I don't even feel like going there.
However, in spite of everything I do force myself to remember the positive experiences I have with people regardless of "race", in order to not fall into the trap of boxing whole groups of people in.
I want to set a good example for my son. Especially since I'm away from my family and friends in California. We go home to visit our families only once, maybe twice a year. We do have ichat thank GOD and it helps. And, they visit too which is nice and important.
Yann's entire world here in Ohio is basically white. Our friends, associates, his playmates with the exception of one other little biracial boy with a black mom and white dad. I just don't want him to grow up to be racist against black people. I don't want him thinking the urban poor are representative of "blackness".
THEY ARE NOT. Despite what they claim.
I've had good experiences with black folks (along with other "races") as well.
I think it all boils down to class really. I generally don't have confrontational experiences with middle and upperclass people. There may occasionaly be coldness or looks of disapproval but not that in your face ugliness that the black underclass is known for dishing out.
Actually, life has been really good to me and I've had more positive experiences than bad.
I was a quiet, somewhat shy and studious child. I was a good girl that followed the rules and knew that situations always change.
When I was being teased (some black kids used to whisper lost in space in my ear and other nonsense) I knew that one day it would end and I would come out on top. I knew they were losers who possibly weren't loved and who could clearly see that I was. I pitied them but wouldn't alow myself to hate because I knew back then that hatred ties you the hater.
Man, these topics you're bringing up Liana are deep.
Don't we all have stories to tell... Stories that have shaped us. Even our later choices of identification.
Felicia
P.S. Mixedmom. I'm so sorry you had to experience that kind of sickness going to that school. But see, in the end you came out on top with a loving husband and a beautiful family. Peace in your life. I hasten to think what came of those bastards who were tormenting you. Nothing good I'm sure...
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I don't want him thinking the urban poor are representative of "blackness".
THEY ARE NOT. Despite what they claim.
That's so true! I moved from one of the cities because I didn't want my multiracial kids to think black meant the people on the street yelling at their kids. I got tired of the graffiti, the empty syringes on the sidewalk as I walked to the metro, the gunshots, and the "black" girl urinating in the alley near my house.
I wanted them to feel that "black" was nothing to be ashamed of...just another ethnicity. So I moved north to a small town that is almost 100% white and mostly middle to upper class. No crime. I figured, there may not be many people of African descent around, but the ones who are here give my children a positive picture.
In short, I wanted to control the pictures they get so they can avoid the stigma associated with African descent. I want them to be proud of everything they are.
So, let me unveil my one-point plan for how to keep your kids from disliking blacks and Hispanics:
1. Don't let your children get beaten up by underclass minorities.
Do what wealthy liberals do with their own offspring: insulate! Move to an expensive suburb where the schools have good students, or finagle your children into a magnet program, or homeschool them, or pay for private schooling. Do what it takes so that the minorities they come in contact with are predominantly middle class.
In 1977, when Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter arrived in Washington D.C. from Georgia, they had to subject their daughter Amy to a D.C. public school to prove they weren't Southern racists.
But by 1993, when Billy and Hillary Clinton rolled into town from Arkansas, everybody who was anybody accepted that the D.C. public schools were awful (even if you had Secret Service bodyguards).
So when the Clintons enrolled Chelsea in an expensive Quaker private school, Sidwell Friends Academy, they didn't pay a political price for their hypocrisy.
Howard Kurtz wrote in the Columbia Journalism Review in 1994:
"Equally revealing was media response to the Clintons's announcement that they were sending their daughter, Chelsea, to Sidwell Friends, an $11,000-a-year private school in northwest Washington. When columnist Mark Shields praised Sidwell on The MacNeil/Lehrer NewsHour, he had to note that his children went there, as did Jim Lehrer's and Judy Woodruff's. Woodruff's husband, Al Hunt, made a similar disclosure while defending Clinton on Capital Gang. Carl Rowan touted Sidwell on Inside Washington, pointing out that his grandchildren attended the school. Howard Fineman, whose daughter was in kindergarten at Sidwell, said he "shamelessly lobbied" the Clintons to choose the school."
So don't worry about being duplicitous. Do what the Clintons and all those media liberals, white and black, did—put your children's welfare first!
It worked for me! My schooling was a lot cheaper than Chelsea's, but my parents, bless them, scrimped to send me to the local parochial school. The great majority of the blacks and Latinos I grew up with were nice kids who had fathers and mothers who were also making a financial effort to do right by them.
After I grew up, I spent a lot of a time walking the streets of Chicago. But I'm a big guy. Muggers didn't mess with me.
I can empathize, however, with little Richard Simmons-look-alikes such as Gladwell who fear black street criminals—quite wisely.
Similarly, liberal women who have to work in Washington D.C. (where blacks are 56 times more like to be in the slammer than whites), such as that anti-black lesbian—and Garance Franke-Ruta of The American Prospect who tried to ruin my career because I'm honest about race—should be forgiven for their hysterical hypocrisy.
Still, it would be nice if they stopped being such frauds. It wouldn't be hard. They wouldn't even have to start telling the truth.
All they'd have to do is continue doing what's safest for themselves and their kids and cease denouncing writers who publicly explain the facts behind why they do what they do.
Writers like, say, me.
When I read this article written by Steve Sailer, I knew what he was writing was true. You're saying pretty much the same thing College and I know what you're saying is true as well. It's just a shame that this is true.
I understand where you're coming from COMPLETELY. We wish the same thing for our multiracial/cultural children.
We recently moved to a predominantly white middle class neighborhood as well. So that we could be in a safe environment to raise our son. Plus, it's nice here. People take care of their homes, and there's a since of community.
Yann will be going to the local German School when he's older and when he hits Jr. High/High School (if we're still here in Cincinnati) he will be going to Private school. The public schools here are SCARY indeed. They are 99% black and very dangerous. Little learning is taking place there because of behavior problems, which is a shame for the students who DO want an education.
There is a very negative and dangerous urban black community here in Cincinnati. (As there is in most major cities) The crime rate, teen-aged pregnancy rate, and despair is very high.
It's a real shock to me, because I grew up in a middle class existence back in the Bay Area. I hadn't been exposed up close to the pathologies of the black underclass. I was really sheltered now I think. And I'm greatful for that. Watching news reports is one thing, but when you go downtown into the city, what you see is sad indeed.
My son and I are going back home for two weeks this saturday and I'm so happy and greatful. Yann will be surrounded by positive, successful, and happy people of color who love him.
It's important for that balance. Like you said, controlling the picture if you will.
My son and I are going back home for two weeks this saturday and I'm so happy and greatful. Yann will be surrounded by positive, successful, and happy people of color who love him.
It's important for that balance. Like you said, controlling the picture if you will.
I'm happy it's working for your children.
I'm sure it will work for mine as well.
Hi -- now that is truly BEAUTIFUL. That's the whole point -- for your son to be surrounded by positive, successful, and happy people of color who love him.
That's one reason I like to take my kids to Charlotte, NC to visit my sister and her husband. Because they are happy, successful people of color. And they love my kids.
And yes, it will work for yours!
So your son will go to German school? Das ist aber wirklich fantastisch! Wie schoen! (Sorry, I don't know how to make the umlauts and non-English characters) German is one of my favorite languages -- I have an MA in German from Middlebury. But my next language will be Icelandic. There's a guy on this forum who is part Icelandic -- I'll have to email him.
You probably speak German, too, right? Now if you speak German at home, I will really be jealous!
Okay - This new experience that I had over the weekend in LA sent me looking for this thread.
I know that many of the women here have posted about abuse by Black people for looking mixed or being with White people, but I have had a lot of experience with abuse by Black people and I am Black (darkskinned so that usually means regarded as 100% Black by Americans).
This weekend I went to Mariah Carey's concert at the Kodak Theater in L.A. I was walking down Highland with my Mexican American cousin-in-law when this homeless Black man walked up to us (me) and started verbally abusing me. Now people tell me all of the time that I look intimidating because of my height (I don't slouch) and I used to get the "you think you're better/you're stuck up" crap from people in high school , so I guess seeing me walking down the street, well-dressed and in heels was too much for this guy. He commented negatively on my slim frame and called out (to his imaginary friend and/or other personality) "Who does this bitch think she is?" We just looked at each other and burst out in laughter, but inside it still stung.
Unfortunately we passed this turd again and he calls out to my cousin "Is that your ho? She ain't all that!" And that was just amazing. I just laughed and said "If I was the pennies in your cup wouldn't buy 10 seconds of my time," which was wrong but he pissed me off.
I have been treated this way by Black men before, who apparently find something in my appearance and demeanor that signals to them that I am a threat and need to be "taken down." There was a group of boys in high school that did the same thing, and I avoided them as much as possible. I have never been treated this way by any other type of man. For these types of men the simple act of a confident woman walking down the street brings up some kind of rage, and I wonder where it comes from and why must women of visible African descent be subjected to it?
So I guess I'm posting this here to say that this type of harassment is not a consequence of light skin color. It must be something else more visceral.
I have been treated this way by Black men before, who apparently find something in my appearance and demeanor that signals to them that I am a threat and need to be "taken down." There was a group of boys in high school that did the same thing, and I avoided them as much as possible. I have never been treated this way by any other type of man. For these types of men the simple act of a confident woman walking down the street brings up some kind of rage, and I wonder where it comes from and why must women of visible African descent be subjected to it?
These "men" are extemely insecure beings who feel worthless inside. They often have a victim mentality and specificially feel that white society - most especially white men - and women of color "have it in" for them and are responsible for their sorry self-inflicted lot in life.
They need to own up to their own failings and bad choices that have put them in their predicaments without blaiming others. Women of color not only have to deal with occasional racism but ALSO sexism. We don't get a "free ride" so to speak, and have rightfully earned every good thing we have. And to my knowledge we don't tend to lash out (out of frustration) against anonymous blacks males even when the going is still rough.
These "men" are the epitiome of patheticness, and often have huge amounts of self-hate (and feelings of jealousy) for numerous reasons. Therefore, they deep down feel/fear others (in this case identifiably black/biracial women) feel the exact same way about them.
People who feel loved have loving dispositions. And conversly, those who feel hated hate.
When these pieces of dung come across attractive, and confident black/biracial women they feel even more "less than" which is what produces these feelings of rage which lead to the filthy comments. The thought is "look at her she has her sh_t together. She doesn't need me. I'm inconsequential to white society, the world, and now the "sistas" too. I must really not be that important or needed. Therefore if I can't make a positive impact/impression, I'll make a negative one because at least then my presence will be known. I must not be totally ignored."
I know this mentality sounds very retarded/juvenile, but a certain number of black males are unfortunately permanently stuck at this developmental level. Again, they honestly can't help lashing out because they haven't psychologically reached the point where they can hide their pain, fear and angst.
Also, IMO sexism is rampent in the black community. Thus, some black males feel that their manhood is jeopardized by the mere sight of a woman of color with ANY non black male. Some even get angry when you're with a female friend/relative of a different "race" because this also proves to them you've "sold out"/are "white washed", or heaven forbide been truly "accepted" by non blacks. Something they openly rail against yet deep down feel only they should experience. Certainly not a black woman who in their twisted minds is "supposed to be less" than them based on gender alone.
Ignorant bastards...
Black/biracial women with high self-esteem - and especially those who attractive - are occasionally subjected to this garbage because it is felt by some lunatics that there is a secret conspiracy/pact between us and the White man to "destroy" the Black man. It's the craziest bullsh_t I've ever heard in my life, but it's truly what some black males believe.
Rest assured sagascend, we've ALL been there... Knowing what lies beneath the madness really takes away the sting. At least it does for me.
You are soooooo right Felicia! It seems like Black women at the top of their game are the targets of rage by these types of men, and I totally agree that they are developmentally stagnant and quite pathetic. Oprah Winfrey is probably the most rhetorically abused woman alive next to Hillary Clinton.
It also seems as though American society encourages this behavior and rewards Black men for their hollow hyper-male posturing (i.e., rappers and belligerent, brash athletes). No one wants to see the mild-mannered Black CEO or even the super-sexy and masculine Black doctor. But any ignorant rapper or basketball player can get some airtime. Pisses me off.
Sexism in the Black American population is at epidemic proportions IMO. Sometimes I feel like men and women are at each other's throats and couldn't make a healthy relationship if their lives depended on it. Having children in the mix changes nothing for people who lack the interpersonal skills to build a healthy relationship.
My own uncle (well my aunt's husband) told me once that I probably was never going to find a Black man who would "put up with my mouth." And he didn't mean to say that there was something wrong with me (or my mouth) but that most Black men, in his opinion, did not have the confidence to deal with a woman who didn't pretend to be docile or was successful. I still don't like the idea of that for many reasons, but I certainly have concluded after 30 years of being "me" that I am not going to shed one tear at the thought of "losing out on a Black man" for any reason. I am not "resigning myself" to the likelihood of marrying outside of my ethnic culture, as if my first choice is some mythical unicorn of a Black man and everyone else is a poor substitute! I turned in my Black loyalty card when it comes to that BS a long time ago.
So I hope that I don't have another experience like this, but it seems inevitable. I can just imagine what he would have said if I was with a non-Black date! It helps to know that I am in good company though. Plus you can't be a threat if you aren't powerful in some way! In a convoluted way, these men let us know that we are on the right track.
I had trouble with black girls once I reached Jr. High, and High school. Girls, I didn't even know knew my name and wanted to fight me. I didn't know their names, or why they resented me. It was a mess. There was even a girl I didn't know, who was mad at me and complained to a mutual friend that I told ppl I was mixed! I was like excuse me, I am mixed!Sheesh!
I think what makes it hard for us mixies is that half of us claim to be "black" and act all ghetto. So, when blacks come in contact with those of us who choose to identify as mixed and act ourselves, they think we think we are better. Or therefore white, which is why we have all heard (at least I have) oreo.
I thought I had it bad, my daughter who is 1/4 white but looks half white, (with her wavy hair and blue gray eyes) actually was socked a few times by a girl she didn't know "just because". She was in 3rd gradeand we were living in New Orleans at the time. The school was 99% black. That tells you a lot. I should've known there was going to be trouble when she was routinely asked what race she was.I took her out and begun homeschooling her.
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Joined: 10 May 2007 {Posts: 138 } Location: Oklahoma City
Posted: Fri 11 May 2007 22:09 Post subject:
/sigh
I think the issue with me is that my mother (black but "Passing") dressed me as she would any little black girl. But I was raised white, looked white, acted white. So I got beaten up more than once by black girls for "pretending to be black". I wasn't pretending to be anything--I was a very shy white girl from a very dysfunctional home.
For a long time I was terrified of blacks, especially black women, because of it.
My babysitters(bad minded people) from the caribbean that i had always talk bad about me and my sister`s hair to eachother they think that my mom doesn`t have it in good condition(they only think this by looking at our hair they didn`t even know our hair routine at home ,they all have perm hair and they perm their kids hair too,so they thought we should do the same).
Our hair was very short because my mom didn`t know how to take care of it,she would wash it with shampoo everyweek in warm water,leave our hair to dry with no product,after she uses gress to braid my hair and it hurt like crazy when she uses a tiny teeth comb to comb out my hair from roots to ends.The products she use were not good.
The babysitters couldn`t take their hands out of our hair dispite that they don`t like it,they would braid it and press it.I use to dislike my natural hair so much because it hurt when my mom braid it so i got my first perm at the age of 13 ,i forgot how the babysitters knew that we wanted to perm our hair but i remember that one of them who is the head was trying to convince my mom to let us get our hair perm.
I stop going to the babystitters house after school at the age of 13 because me and my sister didn`t like them.The last perm i had was a year and 5 months ago i cut off my relaxed ends in january 2007 .I`m 100% natural now and i take care of my hair myself, its a 3B-3C hair type(naturallycurly.com) and i always thought that my hair was rough because of how my mom took care of it and i didn`t know i had corksrew curls and few coils because she always comb them out(if it wasn`t damage from the shampoo washing),i know now that any hair type can be rough if its very dry.
Posted: Thu 24 May 2007 04:26 Post subject: Re: "What Abuse Have You Suffered At the Hands of Blacks?"
First, allow me to say that your daughter is sweet, German Chocolate! What pretty brown skin she has...
Hmm...I've experienced racism from both blacks and Latinos/Hispanics. White people have never been the ones to dish it out. I'm with Liana in the sense that I often feel intimidated around black women. I wish this weren't so, but I've met very few who don't have issues about skin color and hair and the works. I would try to be pleasant with them but it didn't work. I was one of the most hated girls in my high school simply because I was dating a black boy. This brought out the worst in the black girls there...most of whom were overweight, unattractive, loud, and overall not nice people. They believed I was a white girl and undoubtedly they were brought up by mothers who passed on foolishness about interracial relationships to them. I had extremely low self-esteem but black people were often the first to judge me without knowing me. This included older black people, too.
I've been called "bitch", "ho", "snotty-ass heffa" and many other horrible names. I was particularly vulnerable to black and Hispanic males who tried to violate me as a child and later in my teens. Those were terrifying experiences. When I was about 18, I remember being with my then-boyfriend in public more than once and the feelings of humiliation when black women who didn't know me would start making snide comments. A few of those times ended with me in tears and him not knowing what to do about it. I've been stared at, laughed at, and abused simply because of how I look. I've had people refer to my hair as "weave" and some have threatened to cut it all off out of real vindictiveness.
The whiteness of my skin, the straightness of my hair, and my bright blue eyes push buttons somehow. I've had black women and men belittle me by calling me "ugly" or "fat". Once when I was vacationing with my mom in the Bahamas, 3 African-American women decided to start picking on us for no other reason except that we were on the beach...like everyone else who was on the cruise. My mother is a White woman, a blue-eyed blonde who looks very youthful with her petite slender frame and smooth skin. I had on a one-piece navy blue swimsuit and was simply trying to mellow out on the lounge chair although it was a very hot day. I overheard some comments like: "we ain't gotta do that shit, we're brown and beautiful" and "she know she shouldn't be showing all that white-ass skin out here trying to blind somebody" and "is Becky afraid to go in the water?" I turned to my mom who was busy with a book in her hand and told her quietly what they were over there saying about us.
She was like, "Don't mind them". The most obnoxious of the bunch noticed me looking over there and started talking about "say it louder" and all this stuff. I went off on her, which had everyone staring but I was incensed. We had a couple other run-ins with them on the ship but nothing serious. I couldn't believe the hostility...all because I look nothing like them! I have many instances of this but I won't go into further detail tonight. WOW is all I can say...
Posted: Sun 07 Oct 2007 16:11 Post subject: Abuse may be too strong a word...
I'm not sure I think of it as abuse, but I have been teased or mistreated by a few black people in my life. Nothing too extreme. The more I interact with a variety of people who are mixed with black and white, the more I realize that the tan to brown mulattos/biracials/mixies catch flak far more from black people than the pale to dark beige mulattos.
The only kids who ever called me oreo and salt and pepper were the black girls in my elementary school. The white girls just accepted me, as is. None of the boys seemed to care about my "race".
Once I was in high school, things were a little different. I seemed to hit it off with a variety of people. However, my closest female friends were cherokee/white, puerto rican, PR/white, PR/black, or just white. My closest guy friends were either black, Puerto Rican, or PR/white.
However, going to college in New Orleans, when I was 17 - it was like an about face. During the whole 15 years I ended up living there, I had WAY more black female friends than white. I think that Southern Black women and ESPECIALLY those in New Orleans, have been prone to just accept me as their own, even without insisting that I ID as black.
In New Orleans, I did have two black male friends try to reason with me to convince me that I'm black. Again, I don't consider this to be abuse, but it was still an issue. Another experience I had in New Orleans had more to do with me being light than being part black. One of the black women that I was friendly with who worked at my grad school introduced me to this older black man one day, so I stuck out my hand to shake his hand. Well, the man refused to look and me and instead said "I don't shake hands with white people". Ho hum. If he only knew how RIDICULOUS that was!
So, I don't know that I've really suffered abuse from black people, but of course some have had some little issues with me. Now, if you want to talk about abuse, how about my white grandfather disowning my mother when she married my father? My dad was what they called light, bright, and almost white, mostly due to the fact that his mother was from the islands. Anyway, my mom's father told her "You went and got yourself and ni99er and couldn't even get yourself a whole ni99er". Yup. How's that for abuse. So, I grew up with one grandfather, my black Pop-Pop, even though my white cousins had relationships with the man who fathered my mother and her brothers. Now, that's what I consider "abuse".
Last edited by OTHER on Wed 10 Oct 2007 14:05; edited 1 time in total
Posted: Tue 09 Oct 2007 06:46 Post subject: My abuses
oh boy this could take all night. hmmm where to begin. I attended a predomantely white public school and the black girls used to put gum in my hair and pull it. they where also jealous that my best friend was white and that the white and latino boys geered more towards me than them. in intermediate school on top being accused of acting white and not being like most of the ghetto girls in the neighborhood i was often threatened and and the victim of jealousy. i had one best friend in intermediate school who was also light skinned who experienced the same things i did. we are friends to this day. as for high school? i was friends with more of the lighter skinned blacks and mixed people than dark blacks because for some reason, they just did'nt like me. I had a girl directly come up to me and tell me that i should cut my hair. (her hair was short mine is jet black thick as hell and practically touches my ass). also the darker skinned men i have dated where only interested in showing me off to my their friends (trophie piece) and not treating me like a person. well thats all for now good night
Posted: Tue 09 Oct 2007 13:09 Post subject: Abuse from blacks
Amazingly, true stories of abuse by blacks never find their way into fiction (novels, movies, etc.). The anti-passing books and movies, for example, always claim that the "passer's" only motivation is to escape "white" racism while leaving behind those loveable, kind, accepting blacks.
Posted: Wed 10 Oct 2007 21:01 Post subject: Perceptions
I wonder if some of the issues that may be percieved as race related are really instances of people being people. When my children where 2nd and 3rd graders, I moved from a mostly white, upscale area back to the city. My boys didn't have the "edge" I had growing up in the city, and I didn't like the "soft" way they were growing up. I didn''t "see" my children as other than black...we are regular blacks, ..yes, that's my best description...LOL...we are (compared to some of the descriptives used in some posts).
It was so funny our first day in the hood, my kids were eager to meet the children on the block...so they brought all their toys outside and lined them up on the steps. A crowd of children (and I didn't "see' them as black kids, but yes they were all black children, some were light skinned and had wavy-er hair than my children) The crowd of mostly 4 to 6 year olds decended, and snatched every toy my kids sat out and ran. It was funny to me, my kids jumped up and all 5 were chasing kids and yelling. They lost about half their inventory of toys that day.
When school started, My boys came running home, they were being chased by two little girls the same age who threw pop corn through my mail slot. My kids were scared, so I enrolled them in Karate school. Having 5 kids I experienced a ton of "kids harrassing kids". I am of the belief that kids will harrass those who are harrass-able.
Once my kids got their confidence up, things were cool.
I had a unique experience with my daughter because when I was young I took a lot of harrassment because I was tall, skinny, not athletic and had a big brown face full of glasses and freckles. I couldn't fight so I protected myself with my intelligence and well selected group of friends.
My daughter on the other hand was a thug, at 12 her best fr, was the darkest baddest lil troublemaker I'd ever met. Even though Leah is light, all her friends are black and she sees herself as black. At age 13 we had an incident with a girl I'll call Diane. (to this day Diane would probably swear she was targeted by my daughter and her friends because she was light-skinned and had long hair, blah, blah, blah) but that's not what happened.
Diane thought Leah was "her type of girl" and told my then 13 year old that she was or wanted to have sex with a certain 17 year old boy. At 13, Leah was just hanging up posters of Bow Wow on her wall and trading Right On magazines with her friends. Leah told her friends what Diane had told her and the group of Black girls branded Diane a "ho". Word spread and some of Leah's friends came around to "see" this "Diane".
Diane was stand-offish and showed fear when the girls came around. It never went to blows but Diane got picked on and called out...but it was not about light-skin or long hair.
My theory is that if you show people fear there will always be someone who will try and use that "fear" against you.
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, so I guess seeing me walking down the street, well-dressed and in heels was too much for this guy. He commented negatively on my slim frame and called out (to his imaginary friend and/or other personality) "Who does this bitch think she is?" We just looked at each other and burst out in laughter, but inside it still stung.
