The Study of Racialism

Liana · Guru Joined: 30 Nov 2004 {Posts: 352 }

Ugh… another article to add to our rapidly growing collection of God-Awful Opinion Pieces On Interracial Relationships. (If you missed this gem from January 2005, here’s your chance to catch up. Oh, and Stanley Crouch’s recent column is another beaut.)

Anyway, AOL Blackvoices published a Q&A column in which a reader asked whether it’s true that black men are drawn to white women because they’re nicer than black women. The response was chock-full of awful, awful racial stereotypes, about both whites and blacks. Like…

–white women are nicer to black men because they’re cutting them slack for having to live in a racist society.
–black women have more health and weight issues because they all eat fried food
–black men think it’s ok for them to date interracially but flip out on black women who choose to date white men

But I’m not even gonna get into any of that. What I was most intrigued by was this statement:

These brothers believe that the grass is greener on the other side – an escape from the complexities of black relationships. Because we are victims and survivors of slavery and day-to-day racism, we as a people are blessed but stressed. That legacy affects all aspects of our interactions as people of color, often making our relationships problematic…

This is something that comes up time and time again: the idea that black men dating interracially are doing so as a cop-out, they’re taking the easy way out. But why doesn’t anyone bother to challenge this notion that relationships between black men and women are inherently dysfunctional? Does everyone seriously believe that there’s no such thing as a healthy, well-adjusted black couple?

Of course I’m aware that tensions do exist, and that many blacks deal with a unique set of circumstances that no other group faces. Like, the fact that slavery pretty much destroyed the institution of family, that sky-high incarceration rates keep families apart, that facing racism on a daily basis creates stress, that harsh child support payment collection laws have ruined relationships between ex-couples, etc.

But still, it seems to me that this stereotype of the inescapably tension-ridden black relationship is extremely harmful. Because if you accept that notion, then the argument for why blacks should date within their own race becomes one of responsibility and duty and obligation: Yes it’s going to suck, yes you’re going to argue a lot, yes you’ll probably be deeply unhappy most of the time, but it’s your racial obligation to just put up with it, so just deal. Nobody is going to find that an attractive option.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 27th, 2005 at 11:54 am and is filed under General, Identity Groups, Issues, Media Representations, African-American, Interracial Relationships, Online, Caucasian. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

4 Responses to 'Are black relationships inherently dysfunctional?'
Keya Says:

June 28th, 2005 at 12:07 am
I do believe that some black men (not all) that date white women do believe the grass is greener on the other side. Some men just want to date white women because they had awful relationships with black women. They say they don’t want anymore drama, so they date white women, thinking they won’t get drama from them.
There are such things as a healthy, well adjusted black couple. Most of the couples I know are that way. Black men who date outside their race are very few compared to black men who date black women. We aren’t going to see a man from the hood with a white women. We would most likely see an educated black man with a white woman. Why is that? Even when we attend professional schools there are more black females, than males. My problem with the black males that I’ve encountered, who were educated, was that they didn’t want to commit. They just want to sit on the side lines and be playa’s because they know there are few of them, and every girl wants them. Out of all the black on black relationships I’ve been in, I’ve never experienced tension, I’ve just been with guys who didn’t want more than what we had, and I had to move on. I am engaged to a white man now. It wasn’t something that I planned, I just met him, then fell in love.

jerome Says:

July 6th, 2005 at 4:12 am
black men that date white women are sell outs,same as black women dating white men,they dont like their own people

Sabrina Says:

July 6th, 2005 at 8:58 pm
Why can’t people just acknowledge that people are attracted to others for a variety of reasons like attraction and mutual interests?

Some of those stereotypes are pretty bad but then black women catch it if they date white men…and the stereotypes about those I/R’s are just as hateful!

We who like a little “cream in our coffee” are accused of being greedy gold-diggers just looking for security (as if all white men are rich), or that we are fearful or hateful of black men, or we just can’t get a black man so we “settled” for a white man, or we’re just self-loathing. There are some who go so far as to claim black women date white men for a specific sexual practice which i won’t mention here. And heaven forbid you should ever break up, then there was only one fault–you were the wrong color and they couldn’t “handle it"….never mind what the real circumstances are! All of that stuff is just stupid and ridiculous…and people like the ones on that message board need to quit living their lives as though they were Jerry Springer guests!

merq Says:

July 9th, 2005 at 9:49 am
Ignoring the idiots that called interracial daters “sellouts,” I’ve dated my share of Black *and* White women, and I will say that the most “drama” I encountered was from a White woman.

But does that mean I’m stupid enough to label all White women as “drama queens?” Or, more aptly, does society and the media *depict* White women as “drama queens?”

No.

Instead, they show Shaniqua in all her neck-twisting, finger twirling/snapping glory. Yes, America. *She* is the definition of a Black woman.

Powell · Guru Joined: 27 Nov 2004 {Posts: 2179 }

1) If these "blacks" hate the idea of marrying whites so much, are they ready to also condemn blacks who want to marry people who are white in everything but name?

2) If there were no white/black marriages, wouldn't these same blacks whine that it's because the "evil, racist whites" refuse to marry them? Damned if you do and damned if you don't!