Posted: Sat 05 Jul 2008 23:19 Post subject: I really wish...
that I could have better relationships with other women, esp. women of color.
I feel like if we all were kinder to one another, so much could be accomplished. I believe all women can contribute to the world and enrich the lives of others in different ways. Instead, it seems like many women spend time tearing one another down competing for attention.
This issue has been mentioned in other threads and I don't want to offend anyone here. It just seems like most of the women who have been extremely hostile towards me without good reason were other minorities, either Black or Hispanic. There have only been a few isolated incidents of white women actually being unpleasant. I really can't say I've experienced it from them that often...although I'm sure some of you might have had different experiences.
There is an AA woman who lives in the same building as my fiance. I've had one run-in with her. This was a few months ago and it involved her young daughter. I happened to see her again this afternoon. Her child, about 9 years old, was in the front seat of the car. This woman literally scowled at me. I was with my fiance and she had her mouth all twisted up like she wanted to say something. She is extremely unattractive and based on the confrontation I had with her, I can see that she also has an attitude problem too. She is dark-skinned with acne and slightly overweight. Before anyone assumes that this is about the color of her skin, it is not. That is merely a physical description of her.
She also appears to be a single mother. I'm not a judgemental person, but I believe she has animosity towards women like me. When she confronted me over absolutely nothing a few months ago and then when I saw her once more today, I concluded that she is the type of person who makes assumptions about biracial and/or light-skinned women. To be fair, she has probably had hurtful experiences in the past. Maybe she is having difficulty in raising her daughter alone. I don't want to judge. I've run into many women like her, though, and I cannot help but be a bit annoyed that they're projecting their insecurities onto me...as if I don't have my own problems.
I wish that as women, we could ALL see the good in one another. I wish we could be more gentle with ourselves and with one another. I have nothing but respect for all the ladies on this forum no matter what shape, size, or color because you all bring something unique to the table. I simply wish I could meet people like you all in real life.
Hmm, that's sad, but its THEIR problem not yours. Attractive women of all colours get unfounded hatred. Don't cast your pearls before swine as the good book says.
Don't take this the wrong way, but I would say to you, to stop looking for approval from Black people. Many dark-skinned women are too bitter about colorism. I have had many freindships with dark women who were fine and pleasant, but avoid the angry ones. They will only try to hurt you. Be kind, but don't go out of your way to engage those who will have a problem with you. Avoid those with the smurk, snearing or 'attitude' demeanor. You don't owe then a damn thing!
I do not look White and still receive poor treatment for no reason by some dark skinned women but most are okay or pleasant. I find the low-class ones to be the worst. Stop seeking their 'approval' or acknowlegement. Those that have a problem with you are not worth it.
And even if you did claim a Black idenity, or was very miltant Black, they would still demean you. Shake the haters off and keep steppin'.
Last edited by Melani23 on Tue 08 Jul 2008 13:35; edited 1 time in total
Posted: Mon 07 Jul 2008 21:25 Post subject: Re: I really wish...
pianoplayer111 wrote:
that I could have better relationships with other women, esp. women of color.
I feel like if we all were kinder to one another, so much could be accomplished. I believe all women can contribute to the world and enrich the lives of others in different ways. Instead, it seems like many women spend time tearing one another down competing for attention.
This issue has been mentioned in other threads and I don't want to offend anyone here. It just seems like most of the women who have been extremely hostile towards me without good reason were other minorities, either Black or Hispanic. There have only been a few isolated incidents of white women actually being unpleasant. I really can't say I've experienced it from them that often...although I'm sure some of you might have had different experiences.
There is an AA woman who lives in the same building as my fiance. I've had one run-in with her. This was a few months ago and it involved her young daughter. I happened to see her again this afternoon. Her child, about 9 years old, was in the front seat of the car. This woman literally scowled at me. I was with my fiance and she had her mouth all twisted up like she wanted to say something. She is extremely unattractive and based on the confrontation I had with her, I can see that she also has an attitude problem too. She is dark-skinned with acne and slightly overweight. Before anyone assumes that this is about the color of her skin, it is not. That is merely a physical description of her.
She also appears to be a single mother. I'm not a judgemental person, but I believe she has animosity towards women like me. When she confronted me over absolutely nothing a few months ago and then when I saw her once more today, I concluded that she is the type of person who makes assumptions about biracial and/or light-skinned women. To be fair, she has probably had hurtful experiences in the past. Maybe she is having difficulty in raising her daughter alone. I don't want to judge. I've run into many women like her, though, and I cannot help but be a bit annoyed that they're projecting their insecurities onto me...as if I don't have my own problems.
I wish that as women, we could ALL see the good in one another. I wish we could be more gentle with ourselves and with one another. I have nothing but respect for all the ladies on this forum no matter what shape, size, or color because you all bring something unique to the table. I simply wish I could meet people like you all in real life.
Mindy - It is extremely hard for women to be friends with one another. If I perceived or experienced hostility consistently from a certain type of woman I would probably also wish that circumstances were different. The truth is that if you are very pretty your options for real female friendship are limited. Too many women project their own insecurities and inadequacies onto attractive women. And, unfortunately, since colorism is a huge problem in this society and warps endless minds in every conceivable way, it can be harder to find people to relate to who may not look like you. But it is not that hard either. Especially in Florida! You're part Jamaican, right?
I've lived in many different places in the US and a couple of different countries. This cattiness and irrational dislike is unfortunately everywhere, providing me with equal parts hope and despair for humanity. BUT - I think that African American and Hispanic women can be overtly hostile to attractive women, especially blondes with light eyes. I've found that class only modifies how hostility is expressed. Some of the meanest heifers I have ever seen were rich, White Southern belle types who'd twist a knife in your back while smiling in your face and offering you a pound cake.
I get that the woman we're discussing has some issues, but what do you mean when you say she has a problem with women like you? Did she call you a name in your confrontation?
The reason why I am questioning you is because from what you have described there could be any number of reasons why she has a problem with you. She's single and you are engaged. She has a child and you don't. LOL maybe you parked in "her" space one day. Who the hell knows? You'll drive yourself crazy with people and their nonsense.
Melani...I'm not seeking anyone's approval. I simply wish that more women could be kinder to one another. We live in a man's world. We might have advanced in many ways but females all over the world are still considered to be second-class citizens. And some of us are guilty of treating one another that way, no matter how old we might be.
You're right. She isn't worth it. But I'm guilty of trying to understand why other people choose to act the way they do. I think there is real pain and frustration beneath all that hatefulness. Maybe I'm just young and idealistic despite all that's happened. *shrug*
AD...no, I never told her I was mixed because it never came up. I said what I did in my post above because I'm familiar with her type. The insecure type who immediately hates any woman more attractive than herself and lashes out. She most likely looked at me and saw a white woman. But it is possible that she could have spotted some "other" stuff too. She could have thought that I was a fair-skinned Latina.
Maya...I second that. It IS extremely difficult for women to love and support one another the way they should. There is simply too much competition and insecurity. You would be surprised to discover that where I live, racism/colorism are severe. Very few people will openly admit this. Florida might have a somewhat diverse population but I've had the misfortune of encountering very ugly racial behavior and seeing it directed at others. I had some Jamaican acquaintances in high school but not everyone in the Jamaican community sees me as one of them. I can speak patois like a native Jamaican and some still view me with suspicion. BTW, it was my brown-skinned and overweight cousin who was considered the beauty of our family when we were young.
She had no real reason to confront me is what I'm saying. On the two separate occasions I've seen her, she looked like she wanted to scream at the sight of me. Like I said, I have the feeling that she is a single parent and unhappy about it. I've seen the little girl crossing the street by herself at night in the middle of a busy intersection. The first time this woman confronted me in the parking lot, I had never seen her before. I was by myself. My fiance was at work. My car had recently been stolen and I was retrieving some stuff from the rental I'd borrowed. No one at the apartment complex actually has reserved spots. It is a relatively decent community. We have some crime, but within the complex no real problems. People mind their own affairs and it is pretty peaceful. This woman had her daughter climbing over the fence to open it because they didn't have the key. I was shocked because the kid could have fallen and hurt herself badly. I was coming out and I opened the gate to let her in. This woman pulled up behind me and started up some nonsense about me looking at her funny, how she lived there, etc. She did make a few comments about my color. My mother had an incident with some AA women years ago that was slightly worse. Since the racial issue is a small component, that is why I don't focus entirely on it. But I do feel that it does play a role.
Listen-- I'm ;light skinned (hence my name), but the thing that I notice most is an insitilation (from a young age) of differences in race and PERCEIVED SOCIAL CLASS
Unfortunately, because of US history (see "white history" written all over this) darker skinned folks who are trying *really hard* to make their way up from unfortunate circumstances seem to have preconceived notions about people with lighter skin.
But I've seen the reverse of this too-- I have a yound woman who works for me. her name is cassie. She is tall, imposing, regal and very dark skinned.
She has a "joke" that she is a "BPM''-- "Black Person Magnet"--no matter where we are, she is right-- people with DARK skin graviate to her, say "hello" and almost beam-- they see a woman with very dark skin who is an executive-- and she is sweet and nice to everyone (though she's got a heck of a keen sense of humour--she is always gracious. I've seen her get BPM'd by powerful men and women, and by the maintenence people at facilities. She is always the epitome of grace and charm, remembering everyone's name and wishing them well.
She's also the most 'on top of it" woman I've ever seen, and I admire her. She's carving a niche in the world and this chick is gonna fly...
But that doesn't mean that when she meets up with light-skinned (esp women) that she doesn't have a hard time... I think that people who come from different social classes, and have expectations, have hatred.
It's a hatred bred by expectations, by a weird understanding that skin tone is somehow an "entitlement".
No. It's not. Education is an entitlement. It takes you from point "A" to point "B," few questions asked, no matter what the skin color.
I think that the woman you are having problems with is probably froghtened-- she's facing a whole, horrible world, alone in responsibility, but with a chikd, whom she loves... and for whom she is also very, very scared.
Being a single mom is a huge responsibility, and very, very frightening. When people lash out, it's usually because they are scared.
This woman is frightened out of her mind.
So how should you respond?
With kindness? That would be my guess. When you see her next, bring down, from your apartment, three popsicles--one for you, one for her daughter, one for her. Compliment her daughter. Ask the daughter a few questions about her favorite shows, or favorite classes. Ignore any negative statements (little kids always make honest but negative statements--ie, "I hate school")--ask what she did recently. Did she have a recital? Do they play kick-ball? Who is her favorite singer?... Don't ask what she likes most in school... ask what she's "best" at. If all else fails, even a person's name can be a point of connection.. Ask what the daughter's name *means* ... If she doesn't know, go look it up (heck, pull one of those baby name books off the shelf in line at the grocery store, if need be!) and look it up for her then, the next time you see her, tell her what a beautiful meaning her name has!
My point is-- try to get this woman to see past HER preconceived notions (and dealing with the trials and tribulations)... just be kind.She may have more on her plate than you can imagine.
That's the right reponse, but sometimes your kindness will be mistaken for weakness. Be careful. These people still won't relate to you if they are bound by hatred and JEALOUSY. Continue to do what's right, but don't allow them to mistreat you.
Also, mixed people are almost ALWAYS expected to 'do the right thing' aka BE 'RACE' LOYAL and dismiss obvious racism by Blacks as a 'misundestanding'. Sorry, I've seen it all too often. Been there, done that. YOU OWE THEM NOTHING. Be kind, yes, but firm. If she continues, call her out on her disrespect or avoid her. Just don't feel sorry for someone who would metaphorically, spit on your grave.....
Unfortunately, it would take more than a smile and some treats to alter hers.
I'm not completely unaware that she does seem to be bitterly unhappy. I do feel sorry for her. She might not be that bad beneath the surface.
However, I'm sure that she would not be open to any "kindness" from me. With some people it works. With others it doesn't. She reminds me of my ex's mother. Not quite in appearance but in attitude. No matter how polite and nice I was to her, she literally hated me. The evil stares and the hostility is something I'm all too familiar with.
Melani's reaction was pretty harsh but there's a bit of truth to it. Many black people I've encountered are like that, but then I've also had the luck of knowing those who were all-around wonderful people.
I do feel sorry for her, Melani. I simply don't know what her problem is.
BUT ***TRYING*** to reach out to a person is the ultimate in being human--maybe you will get "slammed', and you'll walk away with three popsicles in your hand saying "Ok, that was stupid..."
But maybe you won't.
Maybe this woman will break down and tell you she's in violent relationship...she's scared...whatever! Maybe you are the one hand reaching out that she needs.
If you're not comfortable "doing it alone"... invite church members or frinds (but don't be "preachy')... If a group of women walk up and just start a converstaion over "how loveley" her daughter is"... maybe that will break the ice.
Here's a story about being a B*tch (It's me that was "the b*tch")
My first year of law school, I'd done a really stupid thing, and moved to a place with no family, and no "back up". I had no job, my husband was having problems finding a job.... we barely made all the payments... Food was short.
I allotted the kids food for morning, (b-fast), afterschool (snack) and we always had an evening meal (even if it was weiners and beans!) My husband was allotted a noon sandwich and the evening meal. heck, I was alotted the evening meal! I rarely made it back in time... The kids ate my alottment, but I never told them they'd done that.
But for the day time...I alotted myself NOTHING.
I wandered the halls of the law school, studying with everyone, watching them get in and out of 98K vehicles.... and I didn't have the budget for a meal. I occasionally brought crackers ( a big deal for me!) and I had a meal at about noon.
Occasionally, this outfit would show up... with CANDY BARS!!!! I would walk up, say to the rep (I'm being honest with him) "Don't like your site, not gonna' use it... but I'm literally straving. I'm taking 4 candy bars.'
And I would. I'd grab them, and walk away. I was so damn hungry, I would have killed. Only "being a good person" kept me from hitting people who didi't finish their food in the cafeteria, or bashing kids that I saw "throw away" stuff in the parkinglots or on the street. If I had the money, I would have eaten that...
But I ate the CANDY BARS.
the next year I was hired by that same company. A year later, that same man and I were close... he told me, "You were such a b*tch, when you were a 1L... what was the deal?"
All I could admit to, was that I was very hungry... and I was so terribly sorry I'd caused his budget to go up.
A few candy bars got me throught law school. I rememeber one bar that got me through a first year test. I "aced" that test.
I never told the guy who hired me , how dire my straights were. I thought he wouldn't care... Or worse... That he'd hate me for my poverty.
Poverty is a horrible shame to overcome... usually the only person who knows it, is the one living it.
Posted: Thu 24 Jul 2008 13:47 Post subject: Danger
PassingWoman wrote:
BUT ***TRYING*** to reach out to a person is the ultimate in being human--maybe you will get "slammed', and you'll walk away with three popsicles in your hand saying "Ok, that was stupid..."
But maybe you won't.
Maybe this woman will break down and tell you she's in violent relationship...she's scared...whatever! Maybe you are the one hand reaching out that she needs.
If you're not comfortable "doing it alone"... invite church members or frinds (but don't be "preachy')... If a group of women walk up and just start a converstaion over "how loveley" her daughter is"... maybe that will break the ice.
Here's a story about being a B*tch (It's me that was "the b*tch")
My first year of law school, I'd done a really stupid thing, and moved to a place with no family, and no "back up". I had no job, my husband was having problems finding a job.... we barely made all the payments... Food was short.
I allotted the kids food for morning, (b-fast), afterschool (snack) and we always had an evening meal (even if it was weiners and beans!) My husband was allotted a noon sandwich and the evening meal. heck, I was alotted the evening meal! I rarely made it back in time... The kids ate my alottment, but I never told them they'd done that.
But for the day time...I alotted myself NOTHING.
I wandered the halls of the law school, studying with everyone, watching them get in and out of 98K vehicles.... and I didn't have the budget for a meal. I occasionally brought crackers ( a big deal for me!) and I had a meal at about noon.
Occasionally, this outfit would show up... with CANDY BARS!!!! I would walk up, say to the rep (I'm being honest with him) "Don't like your site, not gonna' use it... but I'm literally straving. I'm taking 4 candy bars.'
And I would. I'd grab them, and walk away. I was so damn hungry, I would have killed. Only "being a good person" kept me from hitting people who didi't finish their food in the cafeteria, or bashing kids that I saw "throw away" stuff in the parkinglots or on the street. If I had the money, I would have eaten that...
But I ate the CANDY BARS.
the next year I was hired by that same company. A year later, that same man and I were close... he told me, "You were such a b*tch, when you were a 1L... what was the deal?"
All I could admit to, was that I was very hungry... and I was so terribly sorry I'd caused his budget to go up.
A few candy bars got me throught law school. I rememeber one bar that got me through a first year test. I "aced" that test.
I never told the guy who hired me , how dire my straights were. I thought he wouldn't care... Or worse... That he'd hate me for my poverty.
Poverty is a horrible shame to overcome... usually the only person who knows it, is the one living it.
I'd give her a chance.
~PW
I strongly disagree with "passing woman." Don't put yourself in unnecessary danger because of liberal or racial "guilt." Stay as far away from that woman as you can.
Yes, I agree. I would stay clear, sometimes it just ain't worth it.
Remember, the Tejano singer Selena who wanted to 'do the right thing' and confront the President of her fan club over a 'misunderstanding'. For her trouble, she was SHOT DEAD by the jealous woman.
If you feel bad for her, and won't let this go, then give her a gift or $, but MOVE ON. She made her own life choices that have NOTHING to do with you. I would be very careful, esp. since you are happy and in a good place in your life right now. Beware of others who would try to STEAL that from you.
I strongly advise CAUTION!!! You do not know how mentally unstable some people are.
Last edited by Melani23 on Fri 25 Jul 2008 15:12; edited 2 times in total
I feel compelled to agree with Powell and Melanie on this one. But, above all, do what feels like the right thing in your heart to YOU. This woman's situation does not give her the right to be nasty to you! Her disadvantaged circumstances do not obligate you in any way to try and save her. And, it's also important to note that some people DON'T WANT YOUR HELP!!!! and it really doesn't matter what you do to try to help. It would be different if you were a counselor at a clinic or someone in a professional setting that she sought help from but getting involved in the personal life of a familiar stranger when you're not necessarily drawn to this person and you're not comfortable doing so is a completely different matter all together. If this woman wants help, she'll seek it. If she asks you for help, than you may have an opportunity to offer advice or popsicles or $ if you're inclined. As long as she's being nasty and you're getting a negative vibe from her, I'd steer clear.
Actually, there are three ways to look at this. I wish I could do a flow chart to show everyone. But here goes.
1.) Ignore her. Apathy can be covered by a miriage of excusues, so don't worry. You're consceince will be clean.
[/quote]Don't put yourself in unnecessary danger because of liberal or racial "guilt." Stay as far away from that woman as you can.[quote]
1A.) You're in danger, obvious danger. That little kid may have a knife. Mom, no doubt, is frothing at the mouth (I'm assuming) so we can just put this in the "obvious fanger from psycho-path" category. She's rabid. Steer Clear.
Wow... where did liberal or racial guilt come in?
1B.) Gulit? What guilt? Ther's no GUILT! They don't WANT HELP!
[quote]And, it's also important to note that some people DON'T WANT YOUR HELP!!!!
Quote:
This is obvious. No one ever asks for help--(reality, here) we are all to proud. And besides, most poor people actually want to be that way (poor). They brought it on themselves, deserve it, and are resigned to it. None of them ever fight it. Note: never look one of them in the eye. You may begin to suspect you're wrong on this point. Never, ever, talk to them. You will definitely find out that you are wrong.
I guess the bumper stickers ARE true.. "Jesus was a liberal!" Darned those liberals! Christianity would be *fine* if they'd just stop preaching all that "l-o-v-e" stuff! Why can't we just hate people? Wouldn't that be easier?
BTW: If you can't walk up to your neighbor and talk, then you should move. Even when I lived in Bonita in san Diego (nice name, bad place)... I talked to my neighbors. I was the lone Gringa single mom with two babies. I was soooo terrified. But I had the personality to get through then, and I liked the people and place I lived---yes, there were gangs. But every family on the block knew that I was the woman who would get up at 6 am by a knock, and go out to greet "Immigration" in the feild in my bathrobe and scream "where's the warrant?".... White skin is a reallly good thing some times....I gave my neighbors at least a good five minutes of "get everyone out" time.
Liberal Guilt?
I have no guilt. I'm trying to "even" the playing feild! Guilt would mean I'm "sorry". I'm not sorry in any way, shape or form.
2.) You can call the cops
Take a pro-active stance! This woman has given you the willies. You're in danger. Call 'em. Try to yell the N word at her, just before they arrive. (out of ear shot of the cops, of course). CPS (Child Protective Service) will haul the little girl away while this happens. Cool. The kid would be better in foster care, anyways. Being raise by a series of creepy people is the best way become a good citizen!
3.) Be nice.
Thus far everyone but me has diciouraged being nice. Ok, now I will discourage being nice, as well. After all, you wouldn't want to get all Chritian, or anything. Seriously, being nice might help this woman--stteer waaayclear of that! After all, as we learned from the above lessons, that she desreves her lot, and on top of which she's probably deranged .. She's probably frothing anyways, and should have the kid taken away.
Since Pianoplayer is the only one on the board who has any remote claim of knowing this woman, it's impossible for any of us on this board to know what this woman's actual situation is an how she got in it. She may actually be "frothing at the mouth" or maybe she isn't. If PP feels that it's the right thing to do to approach this woman then PP should follow her heart. If she's not drawn to do this, then she shouldn't. This doesn't make PP a bad person if she doesn't approach this woman. Why are there suggestions being made to call the cops?! Where did that come from? From the original post, I don't see poverty being the focus of disdain, an antisocial attitude was presented as the focus of this topic.
Posted: Thu 31 Jul 2008 19:26 Post subject: Re: I really wish...
tpianoplayer111,
I did not respond to this post, when I initially read this post. When I read this post, I felt you were being slight self-asborbed. I do not mean this in a nasty way. If I could phrase it in a more gentle I would. You described this lady as very unattractive and you suspected she was a single mother. This stands out, particulary when you said you suspected she was jealous of you based on your looks. It is possible, it may be true but to me it sounds very presumptive. There could be many reason why she does not like you. In addition, I think I remember you stating, you have a more of a caucasian appearance. If this the case, people are going to treat you as a white women instead of a mixed women. Maybe, you don't have good relations with people of colour because you look white. People tend to prefer people who like them.
Self-absorbed? Hmm...okay. No one who actually takes the time to know me could ever accuse me of that.
I never said she was jealous of me. Please read my post carefully. I said she was unattractive because it is true. I don't believe it is "self-absorbed" to think that she could possibly dislike me based on my appearance. I have done absolutely nothing to her.
Sometimes when people are bitter, they take it out on others who have done nothing to deserve their hate. And I mentioned the fact that she is a single mother because it does play an important role in the story. It is possible that she feels unhappy at having to raise her daughter alone. There doesn't seem to be a husband or father in the picture.
Beauty, I appreciate the fact that you didn't attack me...but you missed the point. I find that people are quick to assume that if a person who looks like me is mistreated by others, somehow it's my fault. It has to do with people thinking that those of a lighter hue have some type of superiority complex and deserve to be brought down. I am younger and prettier than she is, frankly speaking....now THAT is "self-absorbed" for you.
But that is not the issue. It is about people like her attacking someone without giving them a chance and taking the time to know them. She has a Martin Luther King bumper sticker but seems to be harboring this resentment.
Here's a clue - Many Black people dislike, hate, resent, are jealous of, distrust, are suspicious of, etc. White people and people who look like White people.
Here's another clue - Many White people dislike, hate, resent, are jealous of, distrust, are suspicious of, etc. Black people and people who look like Black people.
In reference to my last post...I don't want anyone to get the impression that I was being a b*tch. That was not my intention.
I'm simply weary of the notion that people who look like me are fair game for rudeness, disrespect, and nasty treatment when it is not warranted. I believe in treating others the way I want to be treated. Thankfully, I don't see her that often because she makes my skin crawl. There's something about her that scares me.
I would never call the cops on this woman. Not only out of fear for my own personal safety, but just because I think it would be cruel to do that. I don't care about her at all...but I think it would hurt her little girl to see the mother being carted off by the police. I don't think it would be right.
I distance myself from her and pray not to run into her around here. The only time I would involve the authorities is if she threatened me with bodily harm or if I actually witnessed her abusing the child.
Self-absorbed? Hmm...okay. No one who actually takes the time to know me could ever accuse me of that.
I never said she was jealous of me. Please read my post carefully. I said she was unattractive because it is true. I don't believe it is "self-absorbed" to think that she could possibly dislike me based on my appearance. I have done absolutely nothing to her.
Sometimes when people are bitter, they take it out on others who have done nothing to deserve their hate. And I mentioned the fact that she is a single mother because it does play an important role in the story. It is possible that she feels unhappy at having to raise her daughter alone. There doesn't seem to be a husband or father in the picture.
Beauty, I appreciate the fact that you didn't attack me...but you missed the point. I find that people are quick to assume that if a person who looks like me is mistreated by others, somehow it's my fault. It has to do with people thinking that those of a lighter hue have some type of superiority complex and deserve to be brought down. I am younger and prettier than she is, frankly speaking....now THAT is "self-absorbed" for you.
But that is not the issue. It is about people like her attacking someone without giving them a chance and taking the time to know them. She has a Martin Luther King bumper sticker but seems to be harboring this resentment.
Pianoplayer, I agree, there are many individuals who have issues with who have lighter skin tones and vice versa. However, if you go looking for something, you will always find it. Therefore, it you go looking for hatred or if you feel people dislike you because of your colour, you will find it. I think Melani post is mostly true. People tend to gravitate towards people who are similar to them.
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They will only try to hurt you. Be kind, but don't go out of your way to engage those who will have a problem with you. Avoid those with the smurk, snearing or 'attitude' demeanor. You don't owe then a damn thing!
BUT - I think that African American and Hispanic women can be overtly hostile to attractive women, especially blondes with light eyes. I've found that class only modifies how hostility is expressed. Some of the meanest heifers I have ever seen were rich, White Southern belle types who'd twist a knife in your back while smiling in your face and offering you a pound cake.
expected to 'do the right thing' aka BE 'RACE' LOYAL and 
